“Amma, you will not believe what has happened today at the office…”
“I heard they did such dirty things at the Telecomm conference last year in Bangalore. . .”
“I can’t believe that filthy woman is carrying on like that with her low cut blouses!”
“Sunil saw him hand-feed her onion pakoras last week! Chi! Shameless people!”
A new startling study released by Dr. Piddle Lutz of the Sociology Department of Columbia University reveals of all business, governmental, cultural, political & social institutions in the world, Indian call centers are most efficient at spreading tawdry gossip, significantly beating its closest competitor, a Korean Presbyterian church.
To accurately compare the velocity and scale of gossip distribution, Dr. Lutz planted a single piece of gossip in each entity and tracked how quickly the gossip spread between members and how many people beyond the member class learned of the gossip – such as mothers, aunties, and high school friends.
The results were remarkable.
“The piece of gossip I chose to plant was the most tantalizing I could think of,” said Dr. Lutz, “A worker, who might be a sex addict, having a steamy affair with the married boss and then threatening to tell the newspaper if the boss didn’t split with his/her spouse or, in the alternative, buy the worker three new Honda scooters.”
Sushmila Reddy, a call center worker, said, “Well, when I heard of this terrible shameless thing happening, I quickly told my cubicle mates, Radhika and Jai, who sit half a metre away from me and then I put my headset on and called my Amma in Hyderabad, Uma Aunty in New York City, my brother in Palo Alto, and my dentist, Dr. Ghosh – to tell them what nonsense things are happening in my office place. How could I not?”
Lutz’s results show that the planted rumor spread like wildfire, reaching every single person in the call center in under 7 seconds. Further, after one hour, he approximates that over 245,678 people around the world heard of the call center affair, including Beyonce, two Russian cosmonauts, and a group of Chilean miners.
Dr. Lutz explained, “Clearly it is the proximity to each other and to phones capable of making long distance calls combined with a culture that absolutely relishes malicious gossip that results in such an incredibly efficient transfer of information.”
Which entity took the longest to spread the gossip? A German public library.
Various governments are carefully studying information transfer in Indian call centers to see if the structure can be used to alert citizens about impending natural disasters – such as floods and tornados – and terrorism attacks.